How can I be sure that she wants to be taken in hand?

My wife and I havebeen married for 22 years and have been together for almost 25. For most ofthat time we were equals. Recently, i.e. for the past three years or so, shehas been turning submissive, or more accurately, she has been asking me tolead.

I have tried totalk to her about it and have had limited success. There comes a point in ourdiscussions when she doesn't want to have to talk about it nor have to explainit any further. She does not want to have to give consent to having me lead.She simply wants me to do it.

In fact, she oftenrebels against my leadership. At first, when she rebelled, I took what she saidseriously and backed off. That frustrated her and left her feeling unloved. Theproblem is that she would not explain that to me.

When I pressed herfor an explanation, she said that if she were to explain it to me that wouldput her in the position of being in charge and that isn't what she wants.

Over time and withlots of trial and error, I have discovered that when she goes off at me, what Ineed to do is to become dominant and not relent in my dominance no matter howhard she complains and now matter how much she says that something is my fault.

When I take over atthese times and scold her, especially when I do so unrelentingly, she ends upcrying and leaving the room for a few minutes. After maybe five or ten minutes,she returns, comes up to me, hugs me tightly in a not-wanting to-let-go moodand says she is sorry.

Those moments arethe most passionate and loving that we have ever experienced. It is exactlywhat she wants and I am happy to provide.

So, I do not needto know how to get her to want to be taken in hand. She wants it. My problemis, how do I decide when to insist on quashing her rebellion versus taking herseriously and listening to what she is saying in the moment? How do I decidewhen she really wants to be obedient and feel my strength versus when she wantsto assert her own freedom?

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In other words, ifthe wife does not want to talk about it, and only wants to do it, how does thehusband lead and know where the limits are? Yes, I could try to talk to herabout it but when I do, it ruins it for her. She does not want to have to admitto her need for submission.

I need to hear fromyou how to take a woman in hand when she wants it to feel ‘natural’ rather thandiscussed and planned. I don't want to cross the line into abuse. How do I knowwhen she has really withdrawn consent?

This includes aphysical component. She says vehemently that she does not want to be spanked.However, she teases sometimes by overtly waving her behind at me in asubmissive posture. When I mildly pat her she responds well and encourages me.

When I turn it intoa real spanking, at first she warms to it. Then, when it gets to the pointwhere it starts to hurt she says that it's enough and complains when I keepgoing.

How do I know ifthose complaints are real or if I should overrule her and keep going? If I takeover and insist that she take her spanking, she might cry and rebel andeventually submit, as she does when I merely scold her.

But she might not.She might feel that I have abused her and it might hurt our relationship. Itmight be a betrayal of trust for her if I spank her against her will or itmight be exactly what she really wants on some level. How do I tell if there isimplicit consent?

All I know is thata mild spanking does not work. It leaves her feelingunsatisfied and crabby. I know for a fact that she wants at least a mildspanking because of her non-verbal communication. But short of taking her overthe line, I don't know how to figure out if she wants me to do it against herwill and to the point of subduing her.

With scolding, there is no physical harm.If I go too far, I can heal the damage with a hug and a kiss. A good andeffective scolding leaves her hurt and mad at me (temporarily, until she hascried alone for a few minutes).

If a spanking were to be effective alongthese lines, I wouldn't know it until after it was over. I would only know theoutcome after a few minutes had passed and she either came and hugged me – orhated me for doing it.

Yes, we could use asafe-word and we have done so. The problem is that itleaves her with power that she does not want. It makes her decide when enoughis enough. She does not want a safe-word, she wants me to know what to do. Whatis an honorable man to do?

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